


Alone Together

by that_was_tedious



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: A tiny bit of kidlock, Alpha John, Alpha Mycroft, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Angst, Cute, Drug Use, Fluff, Friendship, Growing Up, Hurt/Comfort, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mentions of Prostitution, Multi, Omega Sherlock, Omega Verse, Rehab, Tagging is weird, Teenlock, blushing sherlock is my kryptonite, detox just to retox, i couldn't resist putting cute blushing sherlock in there, non con elements, physical violence, presenting, rehab facilities, seb is being really creepy, so that should be a warning, sorry i had to, there is a happy ending i swear, this has a lot more angst than i thought it would
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-15
Updated: 2015-10-10
Packaged: 2018-02-04 17:58:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1787944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/that_was_tedious/pseuds/that_was_tedious
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock Holmes and John Watson have been best friends since they were children; nearly inseparable. But one day Sherlock presents as an Omega, and everything changes. With the prospect of being forced to mate, Sherlock runs away without telling John. On the streets he becomes the exact opposite of what he wanted to end up as; alone, miserable and wasting away. So he drives himself further into the world of drugs and sex to stop from feeling anything. Once back home, he and John try to pick up the pieces, but can you fix something that's been so badly broken?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Don't Know Where You're Going

**Author's Note:**

> This is not betaed or Brit picked. Mostly because I couldn't find anyone to do this for me. So if you spot something that needs to be fixed, let me know. I don't know how often I'll be updating but they shouldn't be too far between. This is my first published work. The first thing I've felt confident enough to put up. Thank you for reading! :)

At five years old Sherlock was certain of only one thing in his life; everyone around him was an ordinary and boring idiot. While Sherlock could read and write and solve equations, most of the children in his class were still eating glue and believed in things like Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy. Sherlock knew that he was smarter than all of them and most of his teachers, even if Mycroft did call him stupid all of the time. Friends were not something that Sherlock had ever needed or even considered an option. What good was the company of other people who were just going to be dull? But then a boy a few years older than him with blonde hair and bright blue eyes had watched him experimenting in the park. The boy had followed him around silently for a few minutes while Sherlock resolved to ignore him. It wasn’t as if he needed to be made fun of, and he acknowledged that boy would no doubt do just that. Then Sherlock heard a small voice say that was he was doing was fascinating. Sherlock turned around in genuine surprise at the boy. 

“Fascinating? What is?” Sherlock asked, looking the other boy over. He was older than him, probably seven or eight, and was clearly new to the area. 

“You’re trying to see which kind of dirt the worms like best, right?” The other boy asked, plunking himself down on the ground next to Sherlock and grinning at him. Sherlock watched him for a moment, shocked that he had figured that out. 

“Yes, obviously.” Sherlock replied without any real irritation behind the words. 

“Cool! I’m John, can I help?” Sherlock narrowed his eyes for a moment and studied him again before sighing and nodding his head. 

“I’m Sherlock. And you can help as long as you don’t squish any of them.” He quickly got back to work, and John sat next to him. Every so often Sherlock would mutter and observation, and John would call it fascinating, or amazing. Once he even had said that Sherlock was brilliant. The younger boy decided that maybe having a friend around wouldn’t be so bad if it was John. Whenever anyone came and tried to bother him, John had stood up for Sherlock and told them all to go away. By the end of the day when they both had to go home, John had even given Sherlock his number so that they could play again--even though Sherlock had pointed out that they had been experimenting and not playing. John had just smiled and rolled his eyes, giving Sherlock a big hug. 

“We’re going to be friends, Sherlock! Just wait and see.” John had said before letting him go and waving goodbye. Sherlock left the park that day feeling better than he ever had in his five short years. Friends. He had a friend. How strange. 

* * * * * * *  
When Sherlock was twelve, John presented. He called him at three in the morning sounding more excited than Sherlock had ever heard him. 

“I’m an Alpha. I kind of can’t believe I know now, you know?” John whispered into the phone. Sherlock yawned and rolled his eyes, despite the fact John couldn’t see him. 

“It was obvious that you were going to be an Alpha, John. You’re protective, strong, athletic, and you have a temper that no one wants to draw out.” Sherlock mumbled, turning over on his side and curling up into the blankets further for warmth. “I mean for god’s sake John. You once nearly killed someone because they called me an arse. I never had any doubts about what you would be.” John just chuckled on the other end of the line. 

“That’s because I’m the only one who gets to call you an arse. Also, thanks for sharing your thinking with me. It would have been nice to know that.” Sherlock could hear John’s smile and it made him smile in return. 

“John, for once I am actually sleeping. And we have school in the morning. Goodnight.” Sherlock said through another yawn. 

“Yeah, yeah. See you tomorrow. Goodnight, Sher.” When Sherlock heard the click of the line going dead he tossed his mobile back to the other side of the bed and drew the blankets tighter around him. John was an Alpha now; it was official. It was the beginning of their relationship changing. That thought made Sherlock’s stomach sink and there was a lump in his throat. He didn’t get any more sleep that night. 

* * * * * * *

 

On the morning of his seventeenth birthday Sherlock had awoken in a pool of sweat. The covers had been tossed onto the floor along with most of his clothing, but yet the room was still stifling. Standing up, Sherlock stumbled across the room and into the bathroom, tripping on his own feet along the way. He splashed cold water onto his face in an effort to try and cool down but nothing was making the burn go away. Sherlock quickly stumbled over to the shower and turned it on, stripping out of what little clothing he had left and sitting down in the tub. The cold water washing over him was helping a bit, but he still felt wrong. His skin was too warm, his stomach hurt, and he felt completely empty. He leaned against the shower wall and closed his eyes so he could try to focus on breathing properly, but his vision went black. 

Nearly an hour later he heard the distant voice of his brother trying to rouse him. It was too hot and he was so far away. Sherlock didn’t want to wake up. He wanted to sleep. Nothing hurt when he was asleep. He barely felt someone picking him up out of the tub, but he did remember complaining about the roughness of the towel against his skin. Then the arms were back and lifting him up and carrying him somewhere. He snuggled closer and pressed his nose against the person holding him and took a deep breath. That scent. It was familiar and yet far stronger than it should have been. It smelled amazing. He let out a content sigh seeing as his skin was cooling down. 

“Hey, Sherlock. You’re going to be okay yeah? But you’ve got to stay with me. Bloody hell, I don’t even know if he can hear me.” Sherlock knew that voice but he couldn’t place it. The voice sounded worried but no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t open his eyes. Suddenly they stopped moving and Sherlock was taken away from the comforting arms. There was commotion and beeping and so many noises around them. Sherlock then felt a stranger’s hand on him and something sharp stabbed into his neck. 

“He’s going to be okay right?” He heard the voice ask, but it sounded distant. The noises were slowly silencing as well, until he was completely asleep. 

* * * * * * *

The first time Sherlock woke up, he couldn’t open his eyes. There was beeping all around him, and he could hear muffled voices in the distance, however nothing specific. With nothing to alert anyone that he was awake, Sherlock quickly drifted back off. 

The second time Sherlock woke up, it was slower. His eyes flickered open and it took a minute or so for his sight to adjust to the bright white ceiling. Hospital, his brain quickly supplied for him. Sherlock felt groggy and heavy and his limbs wouldn’t cooperate. Now that he was trying, he couldn’t speak either. Without much warning his eyes grew heavy again; so much so that Sherlock couldn’t even keep them open. He would have wondered why he couldn’t stay awake if he hadn’t fallen back asleep so quickly again. 

The third time Sherlock woke up, he didn’t feel as strange as he had before. His eyes opened almost on their own. He knew this wasn’t like the other times. Sherlock let out a low groan and turned his head to the side, regretting it almost instantly. The action took much more energy than he had anticipated. Sherlock let out a whine and shut his eyes again. Why did everything hurt so much? 

“Sherlock? Sherlock are you awake?” He heard John say in a panicked tone. Sherlock pried his eyes open again and tried to get his vision to focus. John looked worried. Like he hadn’t slept in days. The Alpha had bags under his eyes and lines on his face from where he’d been sleeping against the hospital chair. 

“John?” He croaked out, his throat hurting from the sound. Sherlock wanted to reach out but there was suddenly a group of people around him. Somewhere in his brain Sherlock realised that they were checking his vitals and such, but he wanted them to just go away. Sherlock decided to shut his eyes until the doctors and nurses had finally gone away and it was just John in the room with him.  
“Sherlock. I’m so glad you’re awake. You scared me so much.” John muttered and came closer, reaching out to grab onto Sherlock’s hand. 

“What happened?” Sherlock asked, looking up at him. He’d never seen John this worried before, and he was in a hospital bed. Something bad must have happened. 

“You presented. You went into heat.” John said with a small smile, brushing his thumb along Sherlock’s hand. “Your body didn’t react very well, though. You got sick and passed out. I was over to wish you a happy birthday and...you hadn’t come out of the shower yet. Mycroft and I were worried and he went upstairs to check on you. God, Sherlock. Seeing you like that. I was so scared.” John’s voice seemed strained and his eyes were watery. There was an emotion on John’s face that Sherlock couldn’t place. 

“I’m okay now.” Sherlock mumbled, even though he wasn’t sure that was true. John nodded however which put Sherlock’s mind slightly at ease. 

“I carried you into the car. And to the hospital. I wouldn’t let you go, they had to sedate me too so that they could even get to you. But you’re okay now. They stopped your heat. They gave you suppressants. You’re going to be alright.” John’s voice was only growing more strained and Sherlock didn’t know what to do. He gripped onto the Alpha’s hand in an effort to help ground him. 

“That’s a good thing right? I’ll be okay.” Sherlock said quietly, attempting to smile. After a moment John seemed to right himself. He pulled the chair over to sit closer to Sherlock, not letting go of his hand. 

“You’re going to be fine. The doctor’s said that your body didn’t react to the heat well. It was too strong. They’ve put you on suppressants for now, but it won’t last forever. You’re…” John shook his head and didn’t finish the sentence. While Sherlock wanted to press the issue, he was too tired. 

“Stay with me?” Sherlock asked, pulling John’s hand closer to him and closing his eyes. John’s presence was calming in a way it hadn’t been before. It was safe. 

“Of course, Sherlock. I’ll always stay with you.” John replied softly as Sherlock drifted back off to sleep once more. 

* * * * * * *

“He needs a mate.” 

“He can’t stay like this. It will make him too ill.” 

“The suppressants won’t hold him off for long. A year, at the most.” 

“He’s only just turned seventeen.” 

“Isn’t there someone? Anyone? There are services to use.” 

Sherlock was curled up in his hospital bed, listening to the doctors and nurses outside of his room. It was obvious they were talking about him. And while it was in hushed voices, he could hear every word. From the supposedly soothing tones of the hospital staff, to the frantic and strained voice of his parents. They were going to find him a mate. The only way to make sure that his heats wouldn’t kill him was to mate him. The entire idea was ridiculous to Sherlock, but it wasn’t as if he could argue. His heats were simply too strong. And without the attention and care from an Alpha, he could go into shock again. Being an Omega sucked, he decided. 

Turning over, Sherlock saw that John was still there with him. The Alpha was fast asleep in the chair next to Sherlock’s bed, just like he had been the past two days. In the morning, they would let him go home. In the morning, his parents would start to look for a mate for him and he would no longer have a say. Sherlock knew exactly the type of mate that they would pick for him as well; rich, prominent, and no doubt mature. It was everything that Sherlock never wanted in a mate. He wanted to go to university to study. There was no way that Sherlock would waste his future to be some barefoot and pregnant housewife. 

Sherlock was relieved when the doctors and his parents left, leaving him and John alone once again. He watched John’s chest rise and fall with each breath. He watched the way that John’s brow creased with something resembling worry, but yet how peaceful he looked. For the first time, Sherlock allowed himself to acknowledge the fact that he could be in love with his best friend. John was an Alpha, and he was an Omega. It was perfect, wasn’t it? Except for the fact that he and John would never be together. They couldn’t be. With the circumstances how they were, Sherlock’s parents wouldn’t allow it. John was twenty. He was in university and studying to be a doctor. The last thing that he needed was an Omega to look after. And besides, it wasn’t like he would want Sherlock even if he was looking to settle down. They were best friends, and nothing more. 

But Sherlock wanted more. He wanted to be wrapped up in John’s arms so that he could feel safe and secure. Because those were the things he was feeling least of all at that moment. He couldn’t be mated to someone that wouldn’t care about him. That would keep him locked up like a trophy. He had to get away. Before they could mate him. Before he didn’t have a choice. Before it was too late. 

“John.” Sherlock whispered, trying to rouse the sleeping man. John cracked one eye open to look briefly at Sherlock before closing it again. 

“What is it Sher?” He asked, stretching his neck and moving into a more comfortable position. 

“Thank you. For staying. For being here. I….don’t leave.” It was a plea that meant so much more to Sherlock than John probably realised. It was Sherlock asking John to never leave him. He couldn’t face being with someone else. “Please.” 

“I’d never leave you Sherlock. It’s what friends are for.” With those words Sherlock’s heart broke just a bit. He’d have to leave. And it would have to be on his own. John wouldn’t come with him, that much he knew. He couldn’t stay here though. He couldn’t be mated and just waste away. He needed to be so much more than that. 

“I’m sorry.” Sherlock muttered, reaching out to grab John’s hand as he closed his eyes. He didn’t know when, but soon he would have to make his escape. He’d have to leave John behind. And being without John was a scary thought. Something he never thought he would have to face.

“I’m so, so sorry.”


	2. Do You Have Room For One More Troubled Soul?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't tag Sebastian and Sherlock because it's not technically a relationship. Seb is just his creepy, usual self. Does anyone else feel like Sherlock calling Sebastian 'Seb' in the series meant something important? Anyway, this is unbetaed and not brit-picked, but as before if you see anything that needs fixing let me know. I rewrote this chapter about four times before I was happy with it, but I might go back and update things if I find something that needs it. Again, thank you for reading. I'll update again soon!

John didn’t leave Sherlock’s side throughout the entire ordeal. He even insisted on staying the night once Sherlock got back home, just in case. That’s how Sherlock found himself with John in his bed, the Alpha holding him tightly to his chest and his breath tickling the back of Sherlock’s neck. John had long since fallen asleep, but no matter what Sherlock couldn’t seem to. His mind was too busy, swirling with all of the information the past few days had provided. Though he didn’t know when, Sherlock knew he would have to take action soon. He couldn’t stay at home much longer, or it would be too late. 

He was slightly startled by hearing voices outside of his room. It was obviously his parents; he had heard his father come through the front door several minutes ago. Sherlock closed his eyes and tried to focus on hearing what they were saying. While they spoke in hushed tones, they weren’t very quiet. 

“So have they agreed? Will he come and meet him tomorrow?” He heard his mother ask, and the question made Sherlock’s blood run cold. Tomorrow? That was so soon. 

“The Wilkes have agreed to send their youngest son. We were fortunate to have them agree at all.” His father’s tone sounded tired and more worn out than Sherlock could ever remember before. There was a silence that followed, and Sherlock thought the conversation was done or they had went to carry on elsewhere, but he was surprised to hear his brothers voice. 

“If the two of you think that he will just sit back and let all of this happen, you are mistaken. He won’t go to any Alpha you give him. You know that.” 

“We all thought we knew how this would end. But that was when they had more time. When Sherlock was older. Now, we don’t have that time. He doesn’t have that time. And we can’t let him make a decision he’ll regret.” His father snapped at Mycroft, no doubt his face reddened. Sherlock didn’t know what they were implying was to have happened given time. He would regret it if he bonded with whomever they picked anyway. 

“This is a mistake. You think he’s going to go down without a fight. You’re wrong. And you both know that he’ll fight for Sherlock too.” Sherlock had no idea what Mycroft meant, but it seemed that he wasn’t going to find out. He heard footsteps walking away, and his mother sighing, shutting her bedroom door. When Sherlock was certain that they had all gone, he turned in John’s arms. 

Somehow, John hadn’t woken up throughout the conversation. He looked peaceful and happy, and Sherlock knew how he felt. Being together like this felt right. Sherlock slowly lifted up his hand to run through John’s hair, smiling at the way John seemed to lean into his touch. 

“I love you. And I don’t think I’ll ever get the chance to tell you.” Sherlock whispered to him, closing his eyes. He would have to leave tomorrow night. John would be back at school, and his parents would no doubt be too busy to notice him gone. It had to be tomorrow. Sherlock curled up closer to John and pressed his face into the crook of the Alpha’s neck. Knowing he was safe and protected for now at the very least, Sherlock fell asleep. 

* * * * * * *   
The morning light streaming through the window was was eventually woke Sherlock up. The bed was empty and cold next to him; John had been gone for some time. There was a note on his nightstand that said John had to get to class and that he would call Sherlock that night, but Sherlock knew that they wouldn’t see each other again. He couldn’t really say goodbye. 

Sitting up in bed Sherlock looked around his room, figuring out what he would need to bring with him when he left. Some clothing, obviously. And the money that he had stashed in his sock drawer. But he couldn’t take much. He would have to leave behind his experiments and notebooks. He couldn’t bring his laptop or his favourite textbook. He would have to start over. But first, he needed to act like nothing was wrong. 

He packed his things quickly and shoved the bag under his bed before getting dressed and going downstairs for breakfast. He found both of his parents sitting at the table, drinking their tea in silence. They both went still when Sherlock walked through the door and exchanged a look that Sherlock didn’t know the meaning of. 

“Good morning, love.” His mother said, giving him a tired smile and standing to make him a cup. His father sat in silence, his lips forming a thin line. 

“Sherlock, we know that the doctor’s explained some things to you about your condition. That you’re…..” 

“Special.” His mother cut his father off, giving him a stern look and handing Sherlock his tea. “Love, you’re special. But because of that, things are going to have to move along for you a little quicker than we expected.” His father cleared his throat and nodded. 

“Yes. Which is why we’ve arranged a meeting today for you. With an Alpha. He’s only a few years older than you and he comes from a good family. His name is Sebastian Wilkes.” Sherlock remained quiet and looked down at his cup of tea, watching it as it settled. 

“Sherlock, we know this is going to be hard for you. But we love you and want what’s best for you. And right now, that means finding you an Alpha.” His mother said gently, trying to take his hand. Sherlock pulled away and shook his head. 

“I don’t /want/ and Alpha. Especially one that I’ve never met.” Sherlock said, finally looking up at them. It was a last attempt to get them to change their minds. He couldn’t go through with it, and he didn’t understand why he parents didn’t see that. 

“He’ll be here for noon. You two will meet and get to know each other a little, and we’ll set everything up for the bonding ceremony.” Sherlock’s father’s voice was nearly monotone now, as if he’d rehearsed the words over and over again. 

“But….don’t I get a say?” Sherlock finally asked, his voice smaller than he’d intended. 

“There just isn’t time.” His mother sighed, rubbing her temples. Headaches, Sherlock observed. She got them when she was too stressed. And with that thought, Sherlock couldn’t handle the conversation any longer. He got back up, leaving his tea untouched, and went to his room. 

“I just hope we’re doing the right thing.” He heard his mother say to his father before he’d gotten too far. They weren’t, and maybe one day they would realise that. But by the time they did it would already be too late. 

* * * * * * *

 

Sherlock’s heart dropped to his stomach when he heard the front bell ring. He was here. The Alpha he was supposed to be bonding with. The thought made him sick. The feeling got worse when he heard footsteps coming up the stairs, no doubt to retrieve him. There was a small knock before his brother entered the room. 

“Sherlock, he’s here. And Mummy and Father expect you on your best behaviour.” Mycroft said, closing the door behind him. Sherlock just glared up at him, willing him to go away. 

“Now, don’t give me that look. You know that they are only doing this because they care about you. So, brother, do not do anything foolish or that you will regret. You have five minutes.” With that his brother left the room, leaving Sherlock to himself once more. Just a few more hours, and this would be over for him. He would be gone, no longer facing the threat of permanent unhappiness. 

Taking a deep breath Sherlock emerged from his room and walked down the stairs into the sitting room. He heard Sebastian long before he saw him; the Alpha talking much louder than necessary. When he finally made his way to the room, his heart sank even further. Sebastian's head whipped around and he gave Sherlock an almost predatory smile. 

“Ah, good. Sebastian, this is my son Sherlock.” His father said smiling and gesturing for Sherlock to come in the room.   
“Yes, I’ve heard so much about you.” Sebastian practically purred in a way that made his skin crawl. The Alpha watched him as Sherlock went to sit on an empty chair, trying to make himself invisible. Sherlock sat in silence as his parents and brother talked with Sebastian, not wanting to contribute anything to the conversation. He had nothing to say. Then he heard his mother say something about leaving the two of them alone to get to know each other, and Sherlock looked up with wide eyes as his family left the room. 

“So, you’re Sherlock. You know, you’re just as pretty as everyone says you are. I’ve heard you’re smart as well.” Sebastian, moving closer to him. “There’s no doubt we’ll have to iron out some of your rough edges. I bet you’ve got a smart mouth as well. But you’ll learn, in time.” Sebastian was sitting right next to him now, and he reached out to run his fingers along Sherlock’s cheek. 

“You’re going to belong to me. And isn’t that an exciting thought? I always wanted a pretty one, but I never expected you. You’ll learn quickly, won’t you? To make me happy?” Sebastian smiled in that way that made Sherlock queasy and he resisted the urge to bite the Alpha’s hand to get it off of him. He didn’t want it near him. Sebastian was everything he never wanted in an Alpha. How could his parents have chosen him? 

“I’m not going to just be your plaything.” Sherlock finally said, finding his voice. “I’m going to university. I’m going to do something important with my life. And that doesn’t involve making you happy.” Sebastian frowned and stood up, clearly wanting to seem intimidating. It worked. 

“You’ll do no such thing. You see, you’re going to be mine. And your parents love me, they really do. So I doubt you’ll be able to convince them not to pick me to take care of their son they care about so much. And you? You’ll do as I say. Or you will quickly learn there are consequences for the actions I disapprove of.” The Alpha ran his hand along Sherlock’s cheek once more before tilting his head harshly to expose his neck. 

“You see, right here….” He said, tracing a ring on Sherlock’s neck. “Here is where I’m going to mark you. And then everyone will know you’re mine. To do with as I see fit.” Sebastian let go of Sherlock and smiled at him again. “Now, there are things I must go over with your parents. But I’ll see you soon. Maybe by then, you’ll realise how this is going to have to work.” 

As he left, Sherlock breathed a sigh of relief. How had his parents thought that choosing him would be a good idea? It was worse than he had imagined, and he had to get out. Now. Making sure that everyone was indeed gone, Sherlock rushed up the stairs to his room. He grabbed his coat and scarf, putting them both on before getting his bag. After a moment of hesitation, Sherlock scribbled something on the bottom of John’s note that he had left that morning. Maybe John would see it, and he would understand. 

“I’m sorry.” Sherlock read his words out loud, and sighed. There was nothing else to say. Taking one last look around his room, Sherlock climbed out of his window and fled. He didn’t know where he was going to go, but anything would be better than this. 

* * * * * * *

John had had a long weekend. Between staying in the hospital with Sherlock, and then all of his classes early Monday morning, he was exhausted. Trudging back to his dorm room John quickly stripped off his clothing and flopped into bed. What he really needed was to sleep, but while his body was tired his mind wouldn’t shut off. For the first time all weekend, he was free to reflect on everything that had happened. Apparently that’s what his mind decided it wanted to do. 

He had been terrified when he’d seen Sherlock laying there on the tub floor. And he couldn’t believe how harshly he’d reacted to the doctors and nurses. But in that moment, it felt like Sherlock was his. Like he had to protect him. John found that he hadn’t been able to leave Sherlock’s side without feeling uneasy, so he hadn’t. He’d stayed at the hospital and watched over him, and he stayed the previous night just to be extra sure the Omega was okay. 

After the fear had worn off and he knew Sherlock was okay, John had been thrilled. Sherlock was an Omega. They would be compatible, and maybe that meant he had a chance. But when the doctor’s had explained what was wrong, he knew that he never would. Sherlock’s parents had started talking right away about finding him an Alpha, and clearly John would not be it. While it was true John couldn’t offer Sherlock much, he loved him. John knew what Sherlock was like, and wouldn’t change him for anything. Another Alpha? John shuttered at the thought of what might happen. No matter what, he couldn’t just stand by and watch Sherlock waste away. 

He thought that everything might be okay. Maybe Sherlock’s parents would find a nice Alpha that would take care of Sherlock properly. It wouldn’t be John, sure. But as long as Sherlock was happy, John would be too. He would just have to make the most of the time they had left together before Sherlock was bonded. He would just have to…..

John’s thoughts were interrupted by his mobile buzzing next to him. The only person that really ever called him was Sherlock, and John smiled as he picked up the phone. 

“Hey, I was just about to…..” But John was cut off. By Mycroft, of all people. 

“John, Sherlock isn’t there with you?” Mycroft asked, and John sat up quickly. 

“What? No, why?” He was trying to hide it, but his voice still sounded panicked. 

“I feared this would happen. I warned them. But they didn’t listen. Mummy and Father found an Alpha for Sherlock to bond with. And Sherlock clearly didn’t like him. More so than he usually dislikes people.” Mycroft sighed and John swallowed thickly. He knew where this was going, and he didn’t like it.   
“Mycroft, what happened?” John asked, his voice soft now. Scared. He was trying to breathe evenly, but it was becoming increasingly difficult. It became nearly impossible as Mycroft uttered his next words. 

“Sherlock’s gone.”


	3. I Don't Think I'm Going Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I know it's been a little while since I updated but we're moving and things have been a bit stressful around here. That being said, this chapter is a bit shorter than the other ones and also a bit faster paced. It takes place a few months after the last chapter, and the timing jumps around a bit. But this is also kind of a filler chapter for the rest of the story. And while there isn't and explicit non-con, it's heavily implied. So just a warning. Again, thank you so much for reading!

(three months later) 

Sherlock was woken up from his slumber by his phone going off. Again. It was Victor unsurprisingly, wondering why he hadn’t come home yet. Sherlock sat up and stretched a bit, looking over at his bed partner--an Alpha Sherlock couldn’t even remember the name of. Searching for his trousers, Sherlock got out of bed and made quick work of getting dressed. He grabbed the money off of the table and counted it one last time before slipping out the door and into the cool London air. 

Sometimes, it felt like so much longer than three months that he had been gone. So much had happened that Sherlock felt like it had been years. When he’d first arrived in London he just had stayed at a cheap hotel, resolving to find a more permanent arrangement later. And then Sherlock had met Victor. 

Victor Trevor was a Alpha, and had introduced himself as such. He’d only been in London for a week when Victor had approached him and offered him a place to stay. The Alpha had said he liked helping Omega’s in need, and really Sherlock should have known better. An Alpha /helping/ Omega’s? Out of the goodness of his heart? Unheard of. But Victor had allowed Sherlock a place to stay. He’d given him food and some clothing and helped him find more suppressants. And then came the drugs. 

Sherlock had always thought he was too smart to get hooked on things like drugs or alcohol. He was above it. But nearly everyone that lived with Victor was on something, and the Alpha had promised it would make his mind clearer. Just like that, he was addicted. Cocaine being his drug of choice. And soon enough, his money was gone and he had no way to pay Victor for his supply. 

Now, three months later, Sherlock was working the streets for Victor, just like every other Omega in his care. It wasn’t necessarily the most pleasant work, but it got him the money that he needed. Being a male Omega, Sherlock was by far one of the most requested and sought after. He worked nearly every night, sometimes having more than one client. With the drugs, however, it was easy not to think about all of that. To forget what he was doing and who he was. 

Irene, his room mate, often asked him about his past. It seemed so far away and unimportant now, however. He didn’t want to remember his family and least of all John. John. Every time he thought of him his stomach clenched and his heart felt like it was in his throat. If John saw him now, he would be so disappointed in what he had become. Some nights, all he could hear was John calling him an idiot and yelling at him about all of the horrible things he was doing. All it took was another hit to shut John up, though. And so that’s what he did. Whenever the voice drifted back into his head, Sherlock would push it out.  
By the time he finally stumbled back to the house, it was passed five in the morning and it had been hours since his last hit. He needed more. But first, he was going to have to deal with Victor, something the Omega was not looking forward to. 

“Where the hell have you been?!” He heard Victor call out the moment he shut the door. Sherlock rolled his eyes and sighed, not really wanting to listen. 

“I was with a client, obviously. Things ran a little long. We fell asleep. I have your money.” Sherlock mumbled, slapping the money against the Alpha’s chest without so much as a second glance. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going back to bed.” 

He stumbled down the hall, but didn’t make it completely by Victor. The Alpha gripped on to his arm and twisted it back, making Sherlock drop to his knees and cry out in pain. He knew that there were others in the house, but they knew better than to get involved when Victor was in one of his moods. 

“Listen, you whore. You belong to me. Or have you forgotten that? You leave when I say, you come home when I say. You do what I say. Do you understand?” Sherlock nodded his head and croaked out a yes, just wanting Victor to let go of his arm. He was afraid it would snap. 

“Yes, I’m sorry.” Sherlock quietly apologised, barring his neck in submission and hoping it would appease the Alpha for now. 

“I don’t know if that’s good enough this time, luv. Last time I warned you that I’d teach you a lesson.” Victor snarled into his ear, close enough for Sherlock to smell the alcohol on his breath. Sherlock’s blood ran cold and he snapped his eyes shut. Getting a lesson was something that he’d been able to avoid up until now. The Alpha was not very forgiving. 

“I’m sorry.” Sherlock tried again, but the Alpha just laughed and forced him up off of the floor. 

“You’re not now. But you will be.” Victor said dragging him down the hall and towards the Alpha’s room. Sherlock’s heart was pounding and he was sure he reeked of fear, but there was no way out of this now. He knew he never should have come here, or even left at all. He was quickly becoming the thing he always feared. And Sherlock was certain and he heard the door slam shut and the lock click, no one was coming to save him. 

* * * * * * *

 

It had only been a few months since Sherlock had left, but it felt to John like years had passed. He constantly felt like a part of him was missing. It was a like a limb had been torn off. Sherlock had always been such an important part of his life, and now he was just gone. John felt helpless. So the Alpha had done the only thing he could do--thrown himself into his schoolwork. 

For five months now he’d been trying to forget about Sherlock, and the only way he’d been able to do that is to completely throw himself into his classes. University was time consuming, and for that John was grateful. He didn’t spend so much time thinking and worrying about Sherlock when he had other things on his mind. Nights, however, were the worst. John couldn’t help but feel like somehow it was his fault Sherlock had left. If only he had tried fighting for him, maybe Sherlock would be here and wrapped in his arms instead of God know’s where. 

He’d made friends since he’d started school, and his roommate was nice. John spent a lot of his free time with him and a few other friends he’d made along the way. But it wasn’t the same. None of them were his Sherlock. Despite how much he missed the Omega, however, John never talked about him. He found that he couldn’t. Whenever his roommate Mike would ask him about his life back home, he never mentioned Sherlock. For some reason he just couldn’t. And Sherlock was like an open wound that wouldn’t heal. Always there in the back of his mind, making it’s presence known. 

John pretended to be okay, however. He had fun with his friends, and acted how he was supposed to. He smiled and laughed and pretended. Whenever Omega’s would come on to him, he’d tell them he was focusing on his studies. He made everyone believe that he was okay. Everyone believed that he was. And soon, he hoped, he’d be able to believe it too. 

“Hey Johnny, you coming out with us tonight?” John heard Mike call, snapping him out of his thoughts. John just smiled and shook his head. 

“Not tonight. I have a paper due in the morning. I want to make sure it’s finished.” John said with a shrug. Mike walked over and shook his head, clapping John on the back. 

“Mary was supposed to be there tonight. And so was Sarah. You know both of them have had their eye on you. Every time one of them tries to make a move though, you don’t seem to want anything to do with them. Is everything alright?” Mike was a nice bloke and a good friend, but John still couldn’t bring himself to talk about Sherlock with him. 

“I’m just trying to focus on school right now. You know that.” John said, looking up at him and giving Mike a genuine smile. “Mary and Sarah are nice girls but I’m not looking for anything right now. And before you say it, no. Not even a hook-up.” Mike just laughed and that and shook his head. 

“Whatever you say there, Johnny. But the offer is still open. Show up to the party late, if you want. But you should come.” With that Mike left the room, and John tried to go back to fixing his paper. No matter what, however, John couldn’t concentrate. Sherlock was the only thought on his mind now and he needed to clear his head. Sighing John reached for his wallet and put on his shoes, deciding to take a walk. Running a hand through his hair John took a deep breath and set out into the streets of London. A ten minute walk, at the most, and then he would come back and finish his paper. And maybe if the walk helped enough, he would even go to the party. He couldn’t hold on to Sherlock forever. And maybe it would be enough to finally clear his head.

* * * * * * *

That was it. It was the final straw. Sherlock couldn’t take it anymore. He’d been putting up with everything for too long. Victor just kept getting worse and worse, making it clear that Sherlock was his favourite one to ‘play’ with. Months had gone by and nothing was getting better. He was spiraling out of control and Sherlock didn’t know what to do anymore. He had quickly become everything that he never wanted to be. And he was powerless to stop it. 

Sherlock had always wanted to be strong and independent. He didn’t want to be some Omega that just bended to their Alpha’s every whim. And while Victor wasn’t technically his Alpha, Sherlock always did what he said. He was afraid of the older man. Victor could be ruthless and cold-hearted. And it was clear that he didn’t even care about the young Omega. He was seventeen, a junkie, and stuck under some Alpha’s thumb. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t fight his way out. 

All of the thoughts rushed through Sherlock’s head as he walked down the London streets, not minding where he walked. He kept his head down as people walked around him, ignoring their curious stares. He needed another hit; that was it. Maybe then he would feel better and his thoughts would quiet down. He could feel free. 

He stumbled into the nearest alleyway, not caring who had seen him. He didn’t care about anything anymore. Sherlock quickly plopped on the ground and rolled up his sleeve, getting out his pre-readied needle and wrapping his arm. Perhaps there was a little too much in the syringe, but it hardly mattered now. He just needed it and he needed it now. When the plunger went down and he felt the mixture flow through his veins, he smiled and sighed. It was sweet relief having the toxin run through him once again. He felt light and giddy as the world grew dark around him. 

It was then he heard the voice that always came to him in moments like these. The voice he’d struggled so much to forget and ignore and block out. Never before, however, had it seemed to real. His eyes were closed and he felt heavy; like he was slowly falling asleep. Sherlock felt strong arms around him and he was being cradled close. But it couldn’t be real. The familiar and comforting scent had to be all in his head. Just before he plunged into the darkness he felt words whispered against his temple; soft and somber. 

“Oh, Sherlock. What have you done?”


	4. I'll Check In Tomorrow If I Don't Wake Up Dead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, it has been so long since I've updated I know. But I was moving and there were some complications and I'm not 100% in love with this chapter but I have put it off long enough. So I've added a bit of a bonus. At the end of the chapter is a playlist of songs I've been listening to while writing this and that have influenced the story in some way. Hopefully I can make changes in this chapter. It's a bit angsty, sorry for that. But thank you so much for reading! I promise there is a happy ending! As always, comments and criticisms are appreciated! I sincerely apologise for this.

Somehow John had convinced the paramedics to let him ride in the ambulance with Sherlock. The rest of the afternoon was a complete blur. John could only focus on the feeling he’d had when he found Sherlock. John’s blood had run cold and it was like all of the air had been sucked out of his lungs. Even now sitting beside Sherlock as he slept in the hospital bed, John didn’t feel much better. Sherlock was pale and thinner than he’d ever seen before. His arms were covered in track marks, and God knows what he’d gotten himself in to. John sighed and rubbed his hands over his face, trying to stay awake. It had been hours now and Sherlock still wasn’t awake himself. The nurses said he’d be out for a while longer too but John still wasn’t getting any sleep. Sherlock didn’t even smell like himself anymore. He smelled like drugs and other Alpha’s and things that made John want to curl the young Omega in his arms and never let him go. Yes, he was furious with Sherlock for leaving but what was important right now was the younger boy waking up. 

John sighed and closed his eyes, resting his head against the bed and yawning. If he just shut his eyes for a while and rested, maybe he’d feel better. Before he knew it however he heard his voice being called and John jolted awake, sitting up straight and looking at Sherlock who was now awake. 

“John…..what?” Sherlock croaked out, trying to sit up a bit. John’s eyes filled with tears and he moved forward, hugging Sherlock tightly as he dared and breathing a sigh of relief. 

“Sherlock. You’re awake.” He said, pulling back and smiling sadly at him. “I found you in an alleyway, hanging on to life. You overdosed. Sherlock…it’s been months. What were you thinking? Why didn’t you ever come to me? Instead of going…wherever you were?” John asked, genuine concern in his eyes. But Sherlock clearly wasn’t going to answer. He had pulled further back and looked away from John, his lips forming a tight line. 

“You weren’t supposed to find me. No one was. I was fine on my own.” Sherlock kept his eyes away from John, knowing if he looked at the Alpha, John would know he was lying. 

“Bullshit. Sherlock you were nearly dead. You’re malnourished and bruised and you look like you’ve been to hell and back. Do you even know how scared I was? How scared your family was?” John asked, knowing this was probably not the best time to bring all of this up. Sherlock had just woken up after all. But he couldn’t help it. John had kept it all pent up since Sherlock left and now it was coming out at once. 

“Did you know what they were going to do to me?” Sherlock asked finally after a few minutes of silence, turning his head back to John. “They were practically selling me to the highest bidder. A bastard that wanted to make me into everything I didn’t want to be! He was cruel and…I was going to have to bond with him.” Sherlock’s voice cracked at the end and he cleared his throat.   
“Mycroft told me about Sebastian. When he called me and told me you were gone. Sherlock, if I had known he was like that I would have fought for you. You know that. But instead you ran off and because the exact thing you were trying to avoid, didn’t you? Someone’s been hurting you.” John took Sherlock’s hand and looked down, biting on his bottom lip. 

“John, you wouldn’t have fought for me. There was nothing to fight for. We were best mates. That’s all we were ever going to be. Ever are going to be. I’m not stupid.” Sherlock turned his body away from John and crossed his arms over his chest as best as he could with the IV’s in the way. John looked up at Sherlock and frowned, shaking his head. 

“What are you talking about, Sherlock? You’ve always been important to me. The most important person in my life. And all of the sudden you were gone and I never even had the chance to…..” John cut off there, not exactly knowing what he was about to say. It had been the months of Sherlock’s absence that made John realise he might feel a bit more than friendship for Sherlock. 

“There wasn’t anyone else while you were away. While I was at uni. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. How horrible I felt without you with me. And when I found you lying there on the ground I thought….I don’t know. I couldn’t think. Seeing you like that, I just wanted to kill everyone that I knew had hurt you.” John shook his head and got up off of his seat. 

“Your parents are coming this afternoon to pick you up. They said twelve hours after you woke up, you could be discharged. Your parents opted out of sending you to rehab for now. Something about bad influences. I just…I’m going to get a coffee.” John shook his head and walked out of the room, leaving Sherlock alone with his thoughts. 

 

* * * * * * *

John had come back to say goodbye, but Sherlock didn’t see any more of the Alpha after that. His parents came to pick him up, and he was discharged with an appointment for several days later. 

Sherlock refused to speak on the ride home, not answering any of his parents questions about where he had been or why he had gone. They were angry, that much was obvious, but Sherlock didn’t care. When they arrived home he pushed passed them and walked upstairs to his room, locking the door behind him. 

It was strange being back home and in his own clothes. Sherlock now felt like he didn’t fit. The person he used to be belonged here, but he wasn’t that person anymore. Sherlock wasn’t even sure he knew how to pretend to be that person. He flopped down on his bed and stared up at the ceiling, finding himself missing Irene’s constant rants and snoring. The room now was far too quiet and it left room for thought. Millions of things were whirling through his mind and Sherlock wished for a hit to quiet them down. If he was being honest with himself, he was tired. Sherlock closed his eyes and let sleep overtake him, hoping that it would provide some solace. 

He was wrong, of course. Sherlock wasn’t sure how much time had passed but it was dark by the time he awoke, his clothing stained dark from sweat caused by his nightmare. Of course it had been of Victor. Yelling at him for not coming home, wondering where he was. Screaming. Yelling. Pain. When Sherlock’s breaths finally evened out, he got up out of bed and changed into dry clothing. He needed another hit or the feeling of dread and fear and guilt in the pit of his stomach would never go away. 

Sherlock knew that he couldn’t run away again. No, if he left he would have to come back. But he could sneak out and be back by morning. Enough time to find someone willing to trade. He didn’t have any money, but Sherlock had learned several other things he had to trade to get what he wanted. Checking the lock one more time, Sherlock climbed out the window and off into the night. If he had been thinking clearly, maybe he would have been more surprised that his window had been left unlocked. But he wasn’t. All he was thinking about was where he could get a hit, and how far he was willing to go tonight to get what he wanted. 

 

* * * * * * *

It had been a week now that Sherlock had been home, and John had visited him every day. Sherlock never spoke much during their visits, but it didn’t bother John much. He himself didn’t have much to say and the silence was better than not having Sherlock there at all. John wasn’t surprised that Sherlock told him nothing about his time away. The Alpha knew he would just need to give Sherlock time. Maybe one day they could even be close again like they were before. Or at least that’s what John told himself. 

John was a little earlier going to see Sherlock than he usually was today, but he had to be back in London by that evening and his train left in a few hours. John wanted to get a chance to see Sherlock again before he was gone for months. They could still call and talk on the phone, but it wouldn’t be like having Sherlock with him again. 

When he got to the house Mrs. Holmes greeted him with the same sad smile she’d been wearing for months and a tight hug. 

“You’re a good boy, John. You’re good for him. Maybe we should have seen that sooner. Maybe then…..” Mrs. Holmes trailed off and John just hugged her tighter. “Go on upstairs. He still won’t come out of his room.” She muttered, letting go of him and wiping off her eyes. John gave her another smile before heading up the stairs. 

“Hey Sher……” John opened the door and froze in the doorway. He really couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Sherlock was sitting on his bed with a needle in hand, ready to shoot the toxin into his arm. 

“What the fuck are you doing!?” John shouted, snatching the needle out of his hand. Sherlock just glared at him. 

“Give me that back.” The Omega demanded and it made John’s blood boil. He let out a bitter laugh and shook his head. 

“This stuff nearly killed you! You almost died Sherlock. And now you’re home and you’re safe and what do I find you doing?! Shooting up! How did you even get this?” He demanded, his voice louder than he would have liked. But right now, he didn’t care. John was furious. Sherlock was silent and he looked away from John. 

“You don’t want to know. Now can I have that back?” Sherlock mumbled and John’s eyes went wide. He had suspected that Sherlock was selling himself, but now it was like things were confirmed and John wanted to cry. He wanted to scream and make a huge scene. 

“How can you do this to yourself? I know that things must have been tough for you when you were gone. I get that. But this is...why won’t you just talk to me? Or anyone. We’re trying to help. I only want you to be safe and healthy and happy. I can’t…..” John shook his head. “I can’t watch you do this to yourself.” 

Sherlock looked up at John and tried to pretend that the look on the others face didn’t make his insides shatter. Still, Sherlock was silent. What was he supposed to say? 

“Can I have it back?” Sherlock asked again, holding out his hand for the needle. John’s knuckles were nearly white he was clutching it so hard. 

“Can you have it back? Is that all you fucking care about?” John asked, feeling the lump in his throat growing. There were tears in his eyes now and John couldn’t hold them back. “Sherlock I can’t watch you destroy yourself. I won’t.” John took a step back and shook his head. 

“Then don’t.” Sherlock replied simply, still holding his hand out. John thrust the needle at Sherlock, swallowing hard. 

“I’m leaving tonight for London again. And if you’re going to….I can’t do this. I spent months worrying over you so much that I was sick. And now you’re hurting yourself. You’re killing yourself. You won’t listen to me either, will you?” John asked. The look on Sherlock’s face said more than the Omega ever would. 

“That’s what I thought. I’m sorry. But I can’t. Have a nice life, Sherlock. If you ever decide to stop fucking it up, maybe we’ll see each other again.” John turned and stalked off, slamming the door behind him. Maybe it was selfish that he was leaving Sherlock like this, but he couldn’t stick around and watch his best friend self destruct. The person he loved killing himself slowly. 

Sherlock sat alone in his bedroom, staring at the needle in his hand. John had left him now, probably for good. Of course he had, Sherlock hadn’t explained anything to him. But he found that at the moment, he didn’t care. If John didn’t want him, or to be around him, that was fine. He didn’t need anyone. Without giving it another thought Sherlock stuck the needle in his arm and pushed the plunger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so. Playlist. If anyone has any questions about why I chose the song or anything, feel free to ask. I think the first one is obvious. I hope. :) 
> 
> 1\. Alone Together by Fall Out Boy-- http://youtu.be/996nDRrFa64  
> 2\. Famous Last Words by My Chemical Romance-- http://youtu.be/zzLKMtY04lE  
> 3\. Far Too Young To Die by Panic! at the Disco-- http://youtu.be/0f71XfN_DLI  
> 4\. Not Falling Apart by Maroon 5 -- http://youtu.be/fFCo0uLScRc  
> 5\. Dying To Be Alive by Hanson -- http://youtu.be/L-dBI1VCCZ8  
> 6\. Pavlove by Fall Out Boy -- http://youtu.be/tRQRGnvdvWY  
> 7\. Circle The Drain by Katy Perry -- http://youtu.be/EqarXvTf_jU  
> 8\. Long Shot by Kelly Clarkson --http://youtu.be/SqaIM9JBs9o  
> 9\. Unconscious Reality by Artist vs. Poet -- http://youtu.be/KOyCbzCxikY  
> 10\. Proof by Paramore -- http://youtu.be/5bPEnio7tuw
> 
> Enjoy!!


	5. This Is The Road To Ruin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god. So I know that this is WAY overdue. And to everyone who follows/reads this I am very sorry. But yay! It's not an abandoned work! I have been going through a lot lately and it's been difficult to find time and the motivation to write. But I really love writing and I love this story and I want to get it done. That being said, here is another chapter. Of course it hasn't been betaed or brit-picked, as usual. All mistakes are my own. I really hope that you enjoy. There is one more chapter to go after this. I haven't decided if I'm going to write an epilogue yet. We'll see where my writing takes me. I worked very hard on this, and I think I'm pretty happy with it. It has everything in this chapter I wanted it to. If you see any mistakes, feel free to tell me. And any suggestions as well. As always, thank you for reading!

The days were bleeding into one another. So much so that Sherlock didn’t even know what day of the week it was. The last supply he’d gotten had been good and had lasted him a while. Sherlock didn’t come out of his room, and barely touched the food that was usually left for him on his nightstand. It might have been days or weeks since John had left, but he didn’t know. Nor did he care. Sherlock didn’t have the energy to care anymore. He was content to just live life like this, and he didn’t think anyone would stop him. That was until his door opened one afternoon and he heard a familiar huff of breath. 

“Get up, brother.” Sherlock heard Mycroft say in an exasperated tone. Sherlock ignored him in favour of looking out the window. 

“I said, get up.” Mycroft demanded, pulling Sherlock out of bed and into a sitting position. “This has gone on long enough. You’ve been home for two weeks now. Mummy and Father have left you alone in hopes that you’d get better on your own, but we both know that isn’t how this is going to work.” 

Sherlock refused to look at Mycroft, hoping his silence would make him go away. Of course it wouldn’t, but one could dream. He heard Mycroft rifling through his drawers until he apparently came across what he was looking for. Looking up Sherlock noticed exactly what it was he had in his hand. When had he even gone over to that dresser? 

“Put that back. It’s mine.” He demanded, but Mycroft just shook his head. 

“No. You clearly aren’t going to handle this on your own. You’re killing yourself, and I won’t allow it.” Mycroft pocketed the drugs and motioned for Sherlock to get up. “This can go two ways, brother. Either you come willingly, or I will find someone to escort you.” Sherlock wrinkled his nose and shook his head. 

“I’m not going anywhere. Leave me alone.” He said, trying to lay back down and wanting to curl under the covers. 

“You’re going to a rehabilitation facility. Immediately. You need help, Sherlock.” Mycroft said with a sigh. Sherlock frowned and looked down at his hands. He didn’t want to go, but it didn’t seem that he was going to have much of a choice. And Sherlock had never heard his brother sound so sad and disappointed before. The Omega bit his lip and nodded, standing up. 

“I…..let me shower.” He said, walking towards the bathroom. Mycroft reluctantly nodded and left the room, leaving Sherlock alone. Sherlock climbed in the shower, feeling numb and a bit lost. For the first time in weeks he actually let himself really think about John. About how much he disappointed him. How he’d gotten himself so far into this mess that he needed to go to rehab and the one person he’d ever really cared about didn’t want to see him again. At that, Sherlock rested his head against the shower wall, and he started to cry. 

* * * * * * *  
John had been struggling since the moment he’d walked out of Sherlock’s room. Leaving him there alone like that had been one of the hardest things that John had ever done. Still, he couldn’t sit there and watch Sherlock just waste away. It hurt too much and it was obvious that the Omega didn’t want him there anyway. Even though Mike had been persistent, John hadn’t opened up to him about what was happening. John didn’t tell anyone. He tried not to even think about the brilliant boy with the dark curly hair and light eyes. And John tried to tell himself that it was better this way. 

He wasn’t sleeping at night, and even when he did John was plagued with nightmares. He still wasn’t exactly certain what had happened to Sherlock those months that he had been gone, but he could imagine. And while he tried to keep his thoughts Sherlock free during the day, at night it was much harder. He often woke in a cold sweat, feeling murderous and terrified. 

All the while, he knew his schoolwork was slipping. Constantly trying to keep the person he cared most about out of his mind was almost a full time job, and it left little room for much else. But John was good at pretending. He was good at putting up a facade and he didn’t think other people could see through it. Or at least he hoped. 

He’d been sitting at his desk, staring at a blank screen for nearly an hour now, when his mobile rang. John’s heart skipped a beat when he noticed it was Mycroft calling. Though John had gotten a few updates from Sherlock’s mum, Mycroft only contacted him when it was serious. 

“What’s wrong? Is Sherlock hurt? Is he gone again?” John asked, his voice on the brink of panic. 

“Nothing like that, John. Calm down. My brother is fine. Or as fine as he can be, considering the circumstances. I’m simply calling to tell you that as of today, he has been checked into rehab.” Mycroft’s voice was even, much like it always was, but John could tell he was stressed. John breathed a sigh of relief however. Sherlock was okay. And more than that, he was going into rehab. He was going to try to get better. 

“Where is he? Can I see him?” John asked, but he could tell by the lapse of silence what the answer was. 

“For the first two weeks or so he isn’t allowed any visitors. Provided that he is doing well, you can see him then. If he’ll have you.” John found himself nodding into the phone, a bit upset that he would have to wait so long. 

“And then?” 

“And he will stay in the treatment program for ninety days. After the first fourteen to twenty eight days, you can see him. This is a good thing, John.” Mycroft said and John again nodded. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I know. Thanks. Keep in touch, I guess. Tell me how he’s doing and all that. And let me know when I can see him.” After saying goodbyes they both hung up, and John’s heart felt a little bit lighter. 

* * * * * * *

This was hell, Sherlock was certain of it. He had been here for three weeks and he hated every moment of it. The initial detox had been bad enough. Bad was an understatement. It had been absolutely horrible. He’d never felt so awful in his life. But once the drugs had been out of his system, the real hell started. There were different kinds of therapies and something utterly detestable called ‘group’. He was expected to talk about his experiences and feelings with a bunch of strangers? Sherlock stayed silent for the most part, only speaking up when he was forced to. But that wasn’t even the worst part. 

No, the worst part of being in rehab was his personal therapist, “Call me Carl.” Sherlock despised him. Sherlock knew that if he didn’t at least make some sort of effort, he would never be released from this place. And while being in session with him seemed to be the least offensive way of talking, it was also the hardest. Especially when it came to the topic of John. 

 

Talking about John was the worst, because it was the one thing that truly hurt. Most everything else he could talk about because it felt more like some kind of dream. Sherlock could remove himself from the situation. Except for when it came to John. It felt like pouring salt into an open wound every time the topic came up. And it came up often. While Sherlock would never admit it, however, talking about it did help a bit. By the end of his third week ‘Call Me Carl’ had deemed Sherlock ready to have visitors, and it seemed he already had a few visits lined up. 

The first people to see him, of course, were his parents. Mummy had cried and hugged him, telling Sherlock how sorry she was. While Sherlock thought it unnecessary, he hugged her back until she calmed. His father looked resigned, and after they left Sherlock had spent the rest of the day in bed. 

After that had come his brother. Sherlock didn’t know what to expect, but having his brother tell him that John was waiting just outside if he’d like to see him had not been it. John had said he didn’t want to see Sherlock again, and he was surprised John was there. And that he wanted to see him. Feeling a bit like he was in a daze, Sherlock nodded. Mycroft got up and left the room with a simple goodbye, leaving Sherlock alone once again. 

When the door opened, his head snapped up. John was standing there, just a few feet away. He looked like he hadn’t been getting much sleep. There were bags under his eyes and that thought made Sherlock frown. The Alpha stood in the doorway for another moment before rushing over to the Omega and gathering him into a tight hug. While initially taking him by surprise, Sherlock eventually relaxed against John and hugged him back. 

“My god, Sherlock.” John muttered, nuzzling his neck. The gesture felt oddly intimate, but Sherlock welcomed it, tilting his neck. “I’ve missed you so much.” Sherlock heard John’s voice break and his frown deepened. 

“I’m sorry.” Was all that Sherlock could bring himself to say. He was sorry. For not talking to John about anything. For running away. For scaring and disappointing him. Sherlock was sorry for a lot of things. But John shook his head. 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left you like that. I should have…..tried to help you more somehow. I don’t know. I’ve missed you so much, Sherlock.” John pulled back to look at him and cradled his face in his hands, one thumb rubbing over a sharp cheekbone. Sherlock was much thinner than usual, but the bruises and track marks were fading and he didn’t look quite so pale anymore. 

“I’ve missed you too.” Sherlock admitted, biting his bottom lip. “I….think that I’d like to tell you about what happened. But I don’t know.” John nodded and pulled back, grabbing onto Sherlock’s hands. 

“We’ll have time, alright? I know that you….went through things after you ran. I don’t know the details but I have some idea. And I know that those things changed you. I can see it in your eyes.” John sighed and looked down and Sherlock flushed. “But I care about you. More than I think you know. And I’m going to stick by you. While you go through this and hopefully longer, if you’ll have me.” 

That confused him a bit. Sherlock didn’t understand. Was John saying what Sherlock thought he was? 

“Listen, I’m not going to pretend like this is all going to just go away. And I know it might be a lot right now. But I lost you once, nearly twice. And I’m not going to lose you again.” John gave Sherlock a small smile. The younger looked down at their hands, trying to process things. 

“Are you saying that you want to be with me? Because I don’t know…..I’m not the same person John.” He said in a quiet voice. John just shuffled closer and pulled Sherlock into another hug. 

“I know. We’ll work through it. For now, I want you to focus on getting better. This is a lot to take in right now, I know that. And we’ll talk about it when you get out. But I just….need to make sure you know how much I care for you.” John muttered, rocking them a bit. Sherlock nodded and breathed in John’s scent, allowing it to calm him. God, he’d missed that. Missed him. 

“I care for you as well.” He whispered against John’s neck. It was nice to be like this. Sherlock felt safe for the first time in months. It felt like home. When John finally pulled back, Sherlock tried not to let the disappointment show on his face. 

“I have to go. I couldn’t stay very long. But just remember that I care about you. And you’re doing so well, going through this. I’m proud of you.” John stepped back and pressed a kiss to Sherlock’s forehead, having to stand on his toes a bit. Sherlock smiled and blushed, tipping his face away so that John wouldn’t see.

“Come back to visit me again. Please.” He said, looking up as he heard John’s footsteps. John smiled wide and nodded. 

“Of course, love. As often as I can.” John assured him before giving him one last smile. When he was out the door Sherlock sat down in the chair and smiled to himself. Maybe things would work out okay. He just needed to make it through the next few months. He needed to get better. Then maybe, they could be happy together.


	6. We Started At The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, okay. So. The last chapter is finally here. It only took me like a year to write this whole thing. I've gone through a whole hell of a lot in this past year and it was difficult for me to find time, but I did it! And I'm actually pretty proud of the result. Someday I might decide to come back and clean things up a bit because this was not edited, every chapter was literally written in one go, and I don't have a beta. But I'm still proud. All of your kudos, comments and bookmarks have been so appreciated! As always if you see any major errors or spelling errors, please let me know. Enjoy!

Sherlock closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the cool glass of the car’s window. He was finally going home. He was finally well enough to go home. No more awful sessions with Call Me Carl and no more being stuck inside the endless white halls of that hell. It was just a week shy of his eighteenth birthday, and he couldn’t believe everything that had happened in the past year. He knew he couldn’t turn back time and that there was no point in wishing things would have been different, but Sherlock was going to try his best to change for the future. 

John had come to visit surprisingly often, and it had given them a chance to talk things through. When the time had come for Sherlock to tell John about everything that had happened while he was away, the Alpha had just held him and rocked him gently, telling him that he was safe now. It was foolish, because of course Sherlock knew that, but the sentiment was oddly helpful and soothing. He’d looked forward to every visit, every talk and every touch and even every phone call. 

Sherlock opened his eyes as he felt the car come to a stop and he looked up at his home. Inside, he knew John would be waiting for him. He also knew that none of his family was home, opting to go away on a short vacation to the shore while Sherlock got situated back home. While he knew what to expect, it didn’t make him any less nervous. John was no doubt going to ask Sherlock to bond with him. And Sherlock was going to say yes. 

Yes, he’d been with other before. He’d even been with Alpha’s before. But it had all been different. It had been about the money or the drugs or even punishment. Sherlock hadn’t ever been with someone he wanted. Trusted. It was a bit scary, knowing that he was going to give up a part of himself to John, but he was ready. Despite the butterflies in his stomach and the thumping of his heart. 

Sherlock took a deep breath and got out of the car, taking his bag. The walk up to the house felt like an eternity, and the closer he got the faster his heart seemed to beat until he was face to face with the door. Walking through it meant new beginnings. It meant spending his life with John. It meant saying yes and trusting that his Alpha would take care of him. Heats had always scared him before, and especially after everything that had happened. The idea of losing his grip on reality, of having to trust someone else, and the possibility of children had always terrified him. But the fear of all of those things was less now. He’d have John. 

After a few moments he opened the door and walked inside, placing down his bag and toeing off his shoes. If the walk to the house had seemed long, it was nothing compared to the walk up the steps to his room. But now, here he was, standing outside his own bedroom door. He took a deep breath and pushed it open to find John sitting on his bed, looking through one of his books. He immediately smiled and John looked up, smiling back. 

“Hey there, gorgeous.” John greeted him making Sherlock blush. The Omega approached the Alpha and sat down on the bed next to him, instantly leaning in to his scent. Sherlock had come off the suppressants in order to be able to bond with John and the scent hit him at full force. It was intoxicating. John chuckled and wrapped an arm around him, pulling him close. 

“Yeah. I missed you too, love. You look good. Healthy.” John commented, pressing a kiss to his head. Sherlock allowed himself to get lost in the scent for a few moments before sitting up and looking at John fully. He smiled nervously, blushing once again, and John took his face in his hands and ran a thumb over his cheekbones. 

“Sherlock Holmes, we have gone through hell and back. Together and apart. I love you. I will always love you, and I’m pretty sure I always have.” He said in a low voice. Sherlock bit his lip and nodded, letting out a sigh. 

“I love you too, John. You know that.” He muttered, leaning into John’s hand. John nodded and grinned. 

“Which is why I want to officially ask you to be my bond mate. I know we’re young, but I want forever with you. Through the thick and the thin and the completely insane. I want you to wake me up at three in the morning with your violin playing and I want to find eyeballs in the fridge and come home every day to that gorgeous face of yours.” He smirked and shook his head. “Maybe I don’t want you to wake me up or to find eyeballs in my tea. But you get my point.” Sherlock smiled and nodded eagerly. 

“Yes, of course I’ll be your bond mate. I thought…..I never thought you’d ask. But now we’re here and there is nothing I want more.” It was cheesy and horribly cliche, but Sherlock didn’t care. This was real and just for him. He could see the love and adoration in John’s eyes and it made heat pool in his belly and his heart speed up once again. 

“Nothing I want more either love. I’m going to kiss you now.” John warned before leaning in. The touch of their lips was electric and Sherlock melted into the kiss. He’d never been kissed like this before, but then again he’d never been kissed by John. Even the slow, sweet kiss was enough to be overwhelming. It was perfect. Time seemed to come to a stop, like they were the only two in the universe. Sherlock giggled at the thought, knowing he sounded like some schoolgirl. 

“What’s going on in that brilliant, big head of yours.” John muttered, pulling back and resting their foreheads together. 

“I’m just…thinking about how cheesy this all is. How you make me feel giddy. How ridiculous I feel, but that I don’t care.” Sherlock muttered with a smile which John returned. The Alpha kissed him again, deeper this time, pulling him in closer. This type of kiss was more familiar to Sherlock, but it wasn’t demanding or harsh. It was still completely John. Sherlock smiled and returned the kiss eagerly, wanting to get closer. 

“Slow down there, love.” John chuckled, pushing back a bit. “We have time. All the time in the world. I’m going to kiss you. Then I’m going to bond you. And then I’m going to make you feel loved and cherished and like the most important person in the world. I’m going to take you apart and put you back together again.” John mumbled into Sherlock’s ear, pressing small kisses all over his face. The thought was still a little unnerving to Sherlock, despite how much he wanted it. John bonding him would throw him into heat. His head would become muddled and foggy and he’d need to rely on John to take care of him. But he was ready. 

Sherlock turned to kiss John again, bringing them both to lay down, liking the weight of John on top of him. It was grounding. Perfect. John pulled away after what seemed like both a second and an eternity to unbutton Sherlock’s collar. He nipped and kissed at his neck, paying close attention to the spot right under his jaw where he would bite the other. 

“I’m ready. I want you to do it.” Sherlock said, pulling John closer to him and holding on tightly. John nodded and sat up, looking into Sherlock’s eyes. 

“Are you certain? Once I do…this is it. You’ll go into heat. There won’t be any going back.” John said, his eyes still roaming over the Omega. Sherlock just nodded. 

“I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life.” Sherlock assured him, barring his neck. John nodded, his eyes looking a little dazed, as he leaned back down to continue to kiss and suck at his neck. 

“I love you.” John muttered a fraction of a second before there were teeth against his neck and John was biting down. The pain was quickly replaced by the feeling of the bond flowing through them. It wasn’t completed yet, but it soon would be. Sherlock could already feel the startings of his heat, just like that. His eyes fluttered shut as he was overwhelmed with sensations. John lapping at his neck, his skin buzzing and heating, the bond flowing through them. He felt warm and loved and safe and right. Sherlock knew he and John together was right. 

“Alright?” John asked, nuzzling at the newly formed mark. It would scar. It would show everyone that Sherlock was loved and wanted by an Alpha. It would show how far he’d come as well. How much he had overcome to get to this moment. Sherlock nodded and kept his eyes closed, knowing he wouldn’t be able to express how he was feeling properly. There were so many emotions flowing through him, it was overwhelming. But good. Perfect. 

His head started to fog and his thoughts melded together. The onslaught of sensations was being replaced by just John. His scent, the weight of the Alpha on top of him, the lingering taste on his lips. Sherlock turned his head to John for another kiss and the Alpha quickly complied. With each passing moment it was becoming harder and harder to hold on. He struggled to still, uncertain of what would happen if he didn’t. John seemed to notice this and pulled back. He ran a hand through Sherlock’s curls and smiled down at his Omega. 

“Open your eyes for me love?” John requested gently. Sherlock did as he was asked, looking up at John with a glazed, distant expression. He was still struggling to hold on and John chuckled. 

“I know it’s scary, Sherlock. But I also know you trust me. I trust you too. I’m going to take care of you. I swear. You can trust me. I’ve got you.” The Alpha muttered, peppering kisses all over the Omega’s face. Sherlock knew that the words were true, though it was more difficult to focus on them now. He was warm, he was sticky and wet and growing more so by the second. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, and then Sherlock Holmes did something he never imagined himself doing in a million years. 

He let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And.....that's it! Yes, I know. I'm a tease. I'm sorry. I don't write smut. BUT there might end up being an epilogue to this and I would love to hear ideas or requests! They might not all make it into the final edit, but I'd really appreciate the feedback! Thank you so much for everyone who started reading at the beginning and put up with my very long in between chapter times and thank you to new readers as well. Thank you!


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